


All the things you're not

by Azraelyz



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: And his husband is right there for him, Boys In Love, Domestic Fluff, Established Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, M/M, Poetry, Sleepy Cuddles, Sleepy Katsuki Yuuri, Viktor has a bad moment, sunrise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:21:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26555014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azraelyz/pseuds/Azraelyz
Summary: When Viktor doubts himself, there's someone who never does. And sometimes he needs a reminder...
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Comments: 10
Kudos: 84





	All the things you're not

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Riki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riki/gifts).



> This is my humble gift for [Riki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riki/pseuds/Riki)! They's wonderful human being and one of the greatest friends. You deserve all the best in the world ♥♥♥! I hope my you'll enjoy this soft Viktuuri!

Yuuri stirred. Something was wrong. He was peacefully sleeping, but he woke up and he felt that something was missing. His brain was still foggy and definitely not fully awake, but he was certain that during the night something had changed and he didn't like it. 

His eyes popped open. The night hadn't gone completely, the room was still dark, but the first signs of dawn were already coloring the sky in lighter shades. Yuuri lazily ran his hand through sheets, meeting no resistance and the fabric was cold. That made him more aware of his surroundings. 

He sat and rubbed his eyes sleepily wondering where the hell Viktor went. Yuuri remembered vaguely (his mind didn't come back from wherever it was yet) that, yes, indeed, they went to bed together, he remembered how Viktor clung to him, humming happily when Yuuri was drawing shapes on his back. 

"Yuuri?" he heard a voice from nearby. He turned his head to the right and saw Viktor sitting on the ledge of their ridiculously big window. He looked tired - under his eyes, Yuuri could see the dark circles and also Viktor seemed wide awake - like he hadn’t slept at all. Also… Something was wrong… Something in his eyes…

"Why aren't you sleeping?" Yuuri heard his own voice, groggy and hoarse, and winced. 

"I could ask you the same question," Viktor smiled fondly. Yuuri just shrugged. 

"You weren't there so…" Viktor looked at him with an unreadable expression in his eyes. The glowing lights of night and coming dawn was lighting up his silhouette, making him even more ethereal. His silver hair was almost glowing with magical shine. Once again, Yuuri’s breath was taken away when he was looking at his husband. And once again he was wondering how happy he was that he’s able to share every day of his life with this wonderful person. 

“Come here,” Viktor said softly, reaching out to him - Yuuri walked up willingly, setting himself between his husband’s legs. He sat, leaning against Viktor’s chest and he felt arms holding him close. The idea of a bay window was a little ridiculous to him at first (because who needs it?), but now he fully appreciated the wide windowsill, where he could sit with his husband and snuggle peacefully. Outside, the world was slowly waking up to the first rays of the dawning sun, but just for a little longer, the streets would be quiet and calm as if frozen in time. As if it were only for them, to enjoy. Yuuri was seeing shadows of buildings on the horizon, the streetlights tenderly enveloping them, but not quite, leaving the hidden part to the imagination. The river was flowing smoothly, undisturbed and unchanged over decades, ensuring everyone that she will be there, no matter what. 

It wasn’t Yuuri’s fault that he felt oddly poetic.

Viktor tightened the hold and sighed deeply.Yuuri’s drowsy brain still couldn’t figure out what exactly was in Viktor’s eyes that bothered him. Like… Something was missing and Yuuri didn’t like it. He furrowed his brows. With closed eyes he let his mind wander openly, feeling safe and warm, smelling the subtle scent of Viktor’s skin and his husband's favorite shampoo. And then it hit him.

Viktor’s eyes looked _resigned_. The usual light those two clear skies had was tamed.

Yuuri opened his eyes abruptly. He reminded himself of the talk they shared a few days ago, Viktor had a slight mental breakdown, once again asking _Who the hell is Viktor Nikiforov_? Yuuri couldn’t help him then, and memory made him livid. _How dare they_ , he thought, _how dare they expect him to be perfect? How dare they expect anything from him, as they know him. He gave them everything and they still take, and take, and take. They stripped him from humanity and, and…_ he gritted his teeth, feeling angry and helpless.  


“Yuuri?” Viktor asked softly, feeling uneasiness radiating from Yuuri. The Japanese shook his head letting out a long breath trying to relax. He also felt guilty, because for so many years he acted like all of those people who didn’t know him and yet, expect him to be flawless, always the best, didn’t mind Viktor’s feelings and thoughts. When Yuuri for the first time understood what comes with being The Living Legend, what Viktor felt and what he had to sacrifice… 

He didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to _think_ about it. He knew exactly how much it was bothering Viktor. Instead, Yuuri reached behind him carefully and placed his hand on Viktor's skull to run his fingers through silver locks. Viktor hummed happily, nuzzling to Yuuri’s hand. 

They were sitting together with silence, when suddenly Yuuri remembered his college years, more specifically one meeting, when his and Phichit’s friends were talking about a young poet, 18 years old Aussie girl, who wrote a beautiful piece. Jen was enchanted by the words, they were simple, yet so meaningful. Yuuri had this poem memorized and surprisingly, he still remembered it all by heart. Before he chickened out he decided to speak.

“ _You are not your age_ ,” he started, closing his eyes. His voice was still a bit sleepy, but he didn’t mind. Viktor moved. 

“Yuuri?” he asked, confused. Yuuri didn’t stop.

“ _Nor the size of clothes you wear,  
You are not a weight,  
or the color of your hair,_” Yuuri ruffled Viktor’s scalp tenderly, and his husband chuckled.

“ _You are not your name,_ ” Yuuri became serious, his voice soft but firm. Viktor took a deep breath and tightened his hold.  
“ _Or the dimples in your cheeks._  


“ _You are all the books you read,  
and all the words you speak._

“ _You are your croaky morning voice,  
and the smiles you try to hide._” Yuuri smiled softly, remembering their shared mornings, laying lazy in bed, giving each other languid kisses, enjoying their time together.

“ _You’re the sweetness in your laughter,  
and every tear you’ve cried._” he moved his hand and gently caressed Viktor’s cheek. Viktor gasped.

“ _You’re the songs you sing so loudly  
when you know you’re all alone._” Yuuri giggled this time giving a glance at Makkachin; in his mind images of his beloved, foolish husband dancing with their baby on rainy days when there was no rush.

“ _You’re the places that you’ve been to,  
and the one that you call home_.” Yuuri whispered the last word. 

“ _You’re the things that you believe in,  
and the people whom you love._” Viktor was trembling. Yuuri squeezed his hand, which was placed on the younger's stomach.

“ _You’re the photos in your bedroom,  
and the future you dream of._” Yuuri freed himself from Viktor’s embrace and turned to face him. His husband had eyes wide open and a single tear was running through his cheek. 

“ _You’re made of so much beauty,_ ” Yuuri took Viktor’s face in his hands, gently swiping thumbs over the cheeks. He was looking into his husband’s eyes, they were shining so bright, like stars on the night sky. More tears flowed.

“ _but it seems that you forgot_  
_When you decided that you were defined  
by all the things you’re not._” Yuuri ended with a slight smile and fondness in his eyes. He tried to send all the love he felt to this wonderful human being, show this unique special person how amazing he is and he shouldn’t forget that. 

“Yu- _Yuuri_ ,” Viktor sobbed quietly. Yuuri leaned and softly kissed his husband’s forehead. Viktor leaped, embracing the Japanese, holding him as if his life depended on it. His body was shaking slightly from sobs that were escaping his body. Yuuri was tenderly kissing Viktor’s head, holding him tight.

“I love you,” Viktor whispered fiercely. “Oh god, Yuuri, I love you so much, oh Yuuri, my sweetest Yuuri…” he was babbling almost incoherently. Yuuri held him close, drawing circles on his back.

“I love you too Vitya… I love you too…” 

Beside them the world has finally decided to wake up, the sun rose just above the horizon, bathing them in gentle golden light.

**Author's Note:**

> Poem _Not_ by Erin Hanson. 
> 
> I had this vivid image of them cuddling at the bay window in St Petersburg when sun was rising.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> You can find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Azraelyz) or [tumblr](https://azraelyz.tumblr.com)! Come say hi!
> 
> Every kudos and comment gives +1000000000 to HP and Creativity!


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